Nunc Scio
Tuesday, August 23, 2005
  ROBERTSON TO CHAVEZ: Momma Said Knock You Out
Pat Robertson, host of the popular (in certain demographics anyway) '700 Club' and founder of the Christian Coalition, believes the USA should 'take out' Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez.

Apparently, Chavez is literally hell-bent on spreading communism and Islamic fundamentalism throughout the Americas. This may come as a surprise to Chavez, leader of a country that is 96 per cent Catholic and, at least according to the CIA Factbook, a democracy. Moreover, Venezuela is heavily dependent on its oil exports. Last time I checked, the international petroleum industry relies heavily on capitalist markets. I'd like to know Robertson's sources on his communist islamist accusations...although I suspect "his ass" is the likely candidate.

More to the point: Why in the Hell should Chavez, let alone any intelligent human, care what Pat Robertson has to say? Why does CNN cover this man when he lets fly with some more of trademarked dumbassery? Seriously, Pat, stick to what you know best: fundamentalism and lobbying for the restriction of human and civil rights. You're good at that.

Make no mistake: Chavez is not a great leader. Between fits of revolutionary fervor, his obsession with Simon Bolivar and his occasional delusions of grandeur, he's done some whacky things. But he is doing something that ensures his political survival- listening to and governing for poor people. As one itinerant farmer said during a recent spate of demonstrations in Caracas, "He's an idiot...but he's our idiot."

The best way to settle this feud, if Chavez can stop laughing for long enough, is to have the two contenders slug it out in some sort of a cage match. This solution makes about as much sense as Robertson's suggestion. If ol' Patty wins, Chavez resigns. If Chavez wins, Robertson would be forced to listen to an intelligent person explain why he's an idiot a la "A Clockwork Orange". I'd say the smart money would be on Chavez.

Using the cage match model, The United States won't be forced to break that pesky law (again) that makes it illegal to assasinate foreign leaders. Also, it might help prevent geriatric moonbats from shooting off their mouths and making death threats.

In that spirit, props to Venezuela for calling Robertson on his neo/theocon bullshit. Said Vice-President Jose Vicente Rangel:

“The ball is in the U.S. court, after this criminal statement by a citizen of that country,” Rangel told reporters. “It’s huge hypocrisy to maintain this discourse against terrorism and at the same time, in the heart of that country, there are entirely terrorist statements like those.”

What? Hyporcitical Americans? I'm shocked. I really hope this %^$%#^& moron doesn't get away with his stupidity again.
I wouldn't be rushing to bet on Chavez. Robertson has a very powerful ally in Jesus. And if we have learned anything from South Park (and we have) Jesus has never lost in the ring.
I think by this point, Jesus is getting pretty pissed off.

"Did you even read the Sermon from the Mount? Dumbass."
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Welcome to the Nunc Scio blog. Politics. Media. Culture. Now you know.

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Jack of all trades, master of none, Graeme is many things to many people. Unfortunately, none of them find him very life-affirming in any capacity. He is a freelance writer, broadcaster, amateur cryptozoologist and occasional political commentator late of London, England and now based in Toronto. Most of the time, he's confused. And a little hungry. But mostly just confused and somewhat uncomfortable writing in the third person.

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